


A child that she used to be.

by Nenka



Category: Forgotten Realms, Shards of the Sun
Genre: and blame yourself for the next 500+ years, in other words: how to quicky ruin someones day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 19:03:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9671876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nenka/pseuds/Nenka
Summary: They were like a family that could protect each other, where no one was weak. But being near the unpredictable mage and a reckless paladin, only shown her how useless she was, and how wrong were the decisions a child could make because of her stupidity, how they hurt others.





	

They call her a kid. Cyn has heard that so many times. Although she's much older than them, they still treat her like the youngest one. It sometimes gets on her nerves, but she quickly lets it go. It's not something that should make her angry. But the time when she could be a kid is long gone. There is a mission to complete, a promise to herself that she needs to fulfil. There are no parents to protect her like they used to, no more lessons to teach her how to survive. There is no cart to hide from the danger, no dances under the bright moon. At this point, she is alone and there is little of the child that once travelled through this land, and only a full journal to remember who she left behind.

At first, she was amused when Fyr pretended to be her father. Cyn smirked each time, when he was irritated by hearing the word "dad." Thinking of it as a funny joke, a whim of the moment, she waited for it to disappear. Somehow, it never vanished, and slowly she felt a weird warmth in her heart. It was like some part of family came back to her and with it she also sensed fear, but didn’t know why. Then, he gave her the ring for protection. It complicated her feelings about being an adult and a child that she was only months ago. She could protect herself and them. She wanted to - to show that she didn't need any help, to be independent. But Fyr was so eager to protect her, and Cyn knew that too well to say no. They were like a family that could protect each other, where no one was weak. But being near the unpredictable mage and a reckless paladin, only shown her how useless she was, and how wrong were the decisions a child could make because of her stupidity, how they hurt others. When Fyr told her to protect Flick, after all those moments when she only was in the way, there was a blank page in her mind. Maybe this time Cyn would not hurt anybody.

With Cosimo there was something that she didn’t quite understand, like a shadow of the posture she once known. That thought chased her all the time. The wine helped it in some way, it allowed her to open herself and show a bit of all those anxiety to others. When she started talking more and more about her family, she noticed that the only memory of their faces she had was in her nightmares. The solution to find other members didn’t help at all. For her it felt like she found a quick replacement for her loss. It would be a treason much higher than running from a fight that should end her life.

She sits in the living room with the rest of the people, her knuckles clenched as the mind shouted the only solution in her head. To decline it, their family name, because she did not deserve it. Not after trying to kill her new father, and putting a god’s curse on the other one. She refused and thought that would be enough, only to see how fast the time proved her wrong.  
She knows that Leo didn’t want any harm. He never intended to do anything bad. But their talk somehow punched her stomach and opened her eyes a bit wider. Cyn remembers how her family explained the difference of their race. She recalled again that one moment when her brother saw his old crush a lot older than she was before. She remembered it all.  
The new voice in Cyn’s head ringed.

Now, she stood in her room, looking at her old boots that used to belong to Irzana, the boots she kept carefully like all other memories of her family. In her head she saw Flick and Fyr’s faces, unchanged but broken, and tried to convince herself that it was the best way. And yet, a long keept fear didn’t vanish at all, while she felt that once again she was the stupid child she has never stopped being.


End file.
